Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Crazy Girl

There is a common misunderstanding that all women are crazy deranged soul-sucking vampire avalanche women (yeah I like comparing women to weather, we are catastrophic & elemental, accept it.) Rest assured though, the world is full of kind, sweet, mentally-stable, devoted angel women; women who your mother would approve of, women who do smart things, who make the right decisions, who always get home before the clock strikes midnight and shit starts turning into pumpkins. There are plenty of sensible, pleasant, white-toothed, silky haired, pearl wearing women in the world (ok, maybe the pearls are a stretch)...but I'd like to let you in on a little secret. Get ready. It's a big one. It might destroy the carefully constructed idea of the perfect woman you have in your head. (just kidding, you're not that creative)

Are you ready?...Are you sure?

I promise, promise on all the little life experience I have, that a crazy girl will bewitch you (body & soul), steal your heart, captivate your mind.

Sane girls are boring. That's right, I said it. You were all thinking it, shut up. It's the truth. Oh you're not mildly bipolar? Cool, you will probably never turn someone's life upside down and rock their world, you will never be the one that got away, but I mean good for you, way to be stable. You might marry a normal girl, think she's nice and take her home to your parents, you'll love her, you'll call her honey bunches of...Zzzzzzzzzzzz

Now don't confuse crazy with mean, I don't mean grumpy, miserable human beings. I mean straight up Crazy, with a capital C. Girls that make you reevaluate the entire basis of your existence, girls who fall off the wagon and go into dark spells, girls who have read too many books and have too many ideas about the way the world should be, girls who have issues: trust issues, past issues, commitment issues, claustrophobia issues, sleeping issues, daddy issues, ISSUES, girls who have no qualms about nudity and lots of qualms about gender roles. I mean the girls that captivate you from the get-go, catch your eye, break your fall, leave you turning in circles like you just stepped off a wonderful merry-go-round.

A crazy girl might drink too much, she might smoke too much, she might be wildly religious and on your case 24/7, she might have been hurt really badly, she might have too many tattoos for your taste, she'll be really indecisive and really demanding, she'll be really cold and distant and lock herself away in ivory towers. She might be so crazy that it takes you a solid month before you realize, wow this girl is a whack job. You will have absolutely no idea what the hell to do with her, how to help her, how to make her smile, how she's going to act, how you're possibly going to tame her. But that is the fun of it. There is little to no chance of keeping a crazy girl in your clutches, but you'll probably bust your ass to be in that 10% that catches one.

Crazy Girl...what is there to say about her? She's always different, she's always the one who changes everything, she, as John Mayer once said, will put the colors inside of your world. Fall in love with a Crazy Girl, enjoy it, lap up the inexplicable, incomparable magic that she sprinkles onto your snowglobe. Marry a normal girl, sure whatever you uptight ass, but fall in love with a Crazy Girl.

To My Fellow Crazy Girls, congratulations, you are the reason love stories continue to exist. Everybody has a Crazy Girl who slipped through their fingers...or, perhaps, stayed.

And to men like my daddy whose Crazy Girl stays, god bless you & your hair. Your life will never be dull.

1 comment:

  1. I knew from the day that I met her that she was infact an undeniably certified Crazy Girl!! And even after 23 years have passed - she is still the same Crazy Girl I fell in love with! So much insight for a 18 year old woman, who doesnt have a drinking or drug problem. Love it Birdy!!