I wrote this Confidence Manifesto for myself, and for my eyes only. I wrote it to read each day when I wake up. To remind myself at the beginning of the day that what I am cannot be diminished or extinguished, but only enhanced and illuminated. And then I read it, and realized, though its embarrassing to admit that I am not 100% confident 100% of the time, other people deserve reinforcement too. So here are my ideas for making the sad girl in the mirror see what an amazing fucking grown woman she is:
1. Try something new every day. Something that intimidates you, something you admire when you see others do it, but are afraid to try yourself. My ideas: taking any dance class, taking a pole dancing/burlesque class, karaoke, an improv class
2. Wake up every day and love what you see. Compliment yourself. Look in the mirror first thing in the morning with sleepy eyes and last night's makeup and tell yourself that you are beautiful, strong, smart, etc. Then repeat it. Again. Again. Until your thoughts wander to these words rather than other mean or unproductive ones. Don't wait for someone else to validate you. I promise that so many people look at you every day and are fascinated, take the time to fascinate yourself.
3. Notice the moments in which you are exercising bodily awareness and strength. Notice when you are pushing yourself to the limit in the gym or dancing like a minx. Commend your legs for making it up that hill or for deciding they deserved to walk today. Whatever it is your body allows you to accomplish is because of its strength and not in spite of it.
4. Be sexually decisive. Ask for sex when you want it and then ask for what you want when you're having it. Describe what you like and what you don't like. Try new things, even if they make you nervous. Don't worry about what your body looks like, embrace what your body looks like. If someone is having sex with you, they are extremely satisfied with what it looks like.
5. Write down what ails you. When you feel these pangs of insecurity, address them. Today I felt this way, and this occurrence provoked it. Train yourself to respond with self-encouragement and love rather than the deprivation of love and support. Do not admonish yourself for being imperfect. You need your own support more than anyone else's. You need your own love more than anyone else's. It is not an indulgence, it is a need.
6. Believe people when they compliment you. Yeah, they are being nice, but they are also being honest. You're fucking awesome.
7. Go outside your comfort zone. Talk about things that scare you, try things that intimidate you, and believe that you're capable of anything. Anything. I watched a Tony Robbins documentary where he said that each day he'd go on a run, where he said, "I'm fucking unstoppable." Over and over again. Eventually, he believed it. Eventually, so will you.
7. Admire beautiful things. Let them admire you.
8. Use each day as the beginning of your empowerment. Wake up, do yoga, look in the mirror and admire what you've built, go days without wearing make up and embracing your face free of it, wear make up and whatever you feel sexiest in and go out and command the room. Be fierce, be kind, be empathetic. Empower those around you to be their best selves. Surround yourself with people who enable each other to be better.
9. Smile. Even when you're sad/scared/unenthused. Just do it. It fucking helps.
10. Let go. Let go of the words people have said that hurt you. Let go of the painful memories of your body, sex, insecurity, etc. Forget what your ex boyfriend said about your body one time 6 years ago. Forget the shitty things that have rattled around in your mind for too long. Grow in your intelligence and your beauty. Grow in your ability to be wildly multi-faceted. Realize that your self-worth is only linked to your ability to love yourself and others unconditionally. Nothing else.
"You know what’s really, powerfully sexy? A sense of humor. A taste for adventure. A healthy glow. Hips to grab on to. Openness. Confidence. Humility. Appetite. Intuition. … Smart-ass comebacks. Presence. A quick wit. Dirty jokes told by an innocent-looking lady. … A storyteller. A genius. A doctor. A new mother. A woman who realizes how beautiful she is."