Tuesday, September 17, 2013


There are very few people in my life whom I remember the precise moment that I realized God sent them to me for a reason. I remember sitting on Bonnie Chronister's piano bench, however, and telling you that I wanted to write and be a baby heart surgeon and you telling me that you just wanted to do something where you could talk to people and make them realize how loved they are. Long story short, we missed the first hour of chamber choir rehearsal, but we realized we were soulmates. Our friendship has since been filled with a mutual love of Jillian Hickey, Nick Preston, Alex Pettyfer, and objectifying men, singing...so much singing in and out of puffy blue dresses, boobs (lots of boobs), the terms 'casual', 'kittens', and, 'so there's that,' jiggling your butt around, sushi, Jet, and all of the secret things that make us so fucking awesome. We are Sex in the City, without Miranda, because...ugh.

Sometimes you are moody and angry and bitter and sassy. Sometimes you won't let me help you. Sometimes you and I get into fights because you always, always, ALWAYS let my dog run away. Sometimes bring out the crazy parts of me that I try to keep top-secret...like that one time we went swimming in your apartment building's swimming pool or Halloween or nudey Snapchats or...let's just stop there. But you always make me laugh, you always care way too much about the people you love, you always remind me that my writing is important and meaningful, you refer to your parents as though they are better than all other humans which, I think at this point, we all agree with. You refuse to call my boyfriend and my cats by their true names; but you love Boston, Sean, and Steve, so it's fine. You are always the brightest, sunniest, smartest, daisiest, loveliness, emo-music-loving, shrimp-sauce-filled vegetarian princess in my life and in every life you touch. 

You may not see this or know this about yourself every day, but you are beautiful. You are simply stunning, all the way to the core of your heart. Your ability to be incredibly stressed, burnt out, and exhausted and still give out all of the love you have left in your heart is what makes me want to be a better, stronger friend, sister, girlfriend, daughter, etc. You may not believe in God but your presence in my life makes my faith stronger every day; not very many people have loved us the way we love each other, not very many people have held us up when we cannot stand the way we have held each other, no one has replaced the painful shards of our glass hearts the way we have replaced each others. Your goodness affects your every action, your compassion is never hidden, you are never too busy or too stressed to bend over backwards for someone you love; you embody so many things that God wants us to exemplify.

Sometimes nothing I say or write or promise or give can heal all of the wounds the world gives, and that is a good thing, it means you are real and alive and experiencing all of the awful realities that make humans imperfect. All I ask of you, always, is to know, that the way you love people changes them. You enlighten us to the beauty in our flaws. You inspire us to do all of the things we think we're not good enough to do. You tell the truth, even when it hurts, even when it's the last thing we'd ever wanna hear. You fill in gaps and insecurities and absences. You give encouragement and smiles and empathy out like they're easy to find more of. You love better and stronger and more sacrificially than anyone I know, besides my mother, and it's scary and it's beautiful and I am in awe of it. I want you to know that everyone who has ever been loved by you knows what unconditional love feels like. You have given the people you love a gift that heals, that gives meaning to living this silly, lovely, horrendous life.

I love you, Justine. Not for all of our lovely memories or moments or secrets or stories or days or daydreams, but for just you, being you. Being your friend changed me, it made me grow up and see that sometimes I am incredibly selfish, it made me believe that my writing is powerful, it made me believe that people can be good inside and out and that they can love you permanently. I only hope to spend every day, for always, loving my people the way you have taught me to love. I wrote this because you deserve to hear how much you are loved and how much your love has shaped us every day, and now you will.


  1. I told 'em that damn school'd turn ya lezbo...

  2. This is so precious. I am so grateful that you have friends like Justine and that Justine has a friend like you. I love you both (and Jilly Poo too).